singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
