She said her name was "party"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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