so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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