I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
