she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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