Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
