Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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