I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
