I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
