I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
