dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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