sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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