i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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