so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
