my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Fuck appropriateness.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I enjoy the company of your penis
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
