Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
