I looked at my own cervix.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
