I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
