Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
