oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
