Are we in a gay sports bar?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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