That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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