When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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