We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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