I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
