Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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