Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
