yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
