Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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