That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Randomize
