Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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