I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
