6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
