her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Don't EVER smell your tampon
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
