So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
