Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
