At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i believe in u and ur pee
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize