Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
