You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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