I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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