My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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