I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Of course I have a pirate flag
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize