alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
3 2 1 whiskey
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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