he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
