I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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