but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
