Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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