omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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