It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
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The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize