At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
