i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
