In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
