You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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