i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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