I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
