There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize