I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
