i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
