Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize
