The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
