bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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