So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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