Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
