god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
