The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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