ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
