i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
