It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
